are you still at the devil's house?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
