Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I intend to get homeless drunk
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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