it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
