I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
