Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
