a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
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The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
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Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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