i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
