The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
