i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize