Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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