At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
