pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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