Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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