So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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