It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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