So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
