I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
