I'm going to jail i love you
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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