Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
