I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
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I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
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Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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