there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
