Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
These tits shall not be calmed
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
