He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
