no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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