I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
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I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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