babies were throwing up all over the place
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
