it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
