so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
