Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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