then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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