I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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