Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
