Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
