its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
did i walk over a car last night?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
