So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
