but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
