my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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