Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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