they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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