as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
