you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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