If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
