I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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