I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i've created a new STD.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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