The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
