can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
