some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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