i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
