2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think my moral compass just broke
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
