he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
