the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
