so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
