I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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