dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize