so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
