oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
