I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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