he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
