i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
