All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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