and you said cock pushups were impossible
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
