Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
